


Peter Parker's Gay Panic

by Albertdoesnteatglass



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Also uhhh AU where Carol snapped instead of Tony because that's what should've happened, And bc of the blip Harley is 23, Bc she would have survived it, Best Friends, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Harley chugged a bottle of ranch, Harley lives with Tony because it's MY fic and I get to do what I want, How Do I Tag, I love her, I'll add more tags as it goes, Idiots in Love, Late Night Idiocy, M/M, No angst yet folks, Peter is poly and dating MJ and soon Harley hehe, Rated teen for language, She's a King Charles Spaniel named Pumpkin, So yeah, Teenagers being stupid as per usual, The Stark family has a dog owo, i know im starting this in the summer but i want to write something that takes place in fall/winter, peter is 19, theres also a wild goose named Hugh and he's mean, theres not really much of a plot so far it's just some cute shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-07-11 10:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19926739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Albertdoesnteatglass/pseuds/Albertdoesnteatglass
Summary: Peter Parker and Harley Keener are best friends. Hooray for friendship! Friends are nice, but can cause Gay Panic. Peter Parker is constantly in Gay Panic because he's just a big ole gay for Harley Keener. Ain't that sweet? WRONG They're both idiots and someone is gonna catch on fire from their idiocy because Gay Panic enhances your Dumbass Levels





	1. Idiots In A Grocery Store

**Author's Note:**

> So uhhh this was originally a oneshot but I turned it into a multichapter fic so-  
> Please bare with me because I am literally a child I can't write
> 
> Editing: thats for pussies and cowards try me bitch
> 
> No clue how often I'll update, but golly I'll try!  
> Some of it is spaced out more because my eyes are workn't and I have trouble reading big clusters of words sometimes

Tony’s first mistake: Sending Peter and Harley to the store. At night. When they were hyper.

Harley was sat in the shopping cart, Peter zooming them down the isles. They had already picked up all the groceries on the list, so they were just buying whatever junk they wanted now. I mean, Tony did give them way more than enough for groceries.So, here they were, zooming along. “Wait wait wait!” Harley shouted, starting to stand up in the cart. Peter came to a stop, the cart jerking and Harley almost falling.  
“What is it?” Peter tilted his head, and Harley jumped out of the cart, grabbing a bottle of ranch dressing. “I am going to drink this all in the car, every last drop, in five minutes.” Harley literally jumped back in the cart, the thing shaking. “I’ll give you a nickel if you can do it in three.” Peter smiled fondly at the boy in front of him. “I can do it in two!” Harley exclaimed.

Peter had like-liked Harley for quite some time,and he was head-over-heels for the boy. He loved every little thing about him,  
his hair, which was so fluffy he could cry, his fucking gorgeous eyes, which made Peter melt every time Harley so much as glanced in his direction, and o h m y G o d his goddamn southern accent was the literal cutest thing he’d ever heard. For now though, they were friends. Best friends, to be specific.

They continued to wheel around the store, putting various items in the cart. Before they knew it, Harley was covered in groceries. “Wanna get two cakes and eat them at three in the morning?” Peter asked casually. “Oh fuck, when do I not want to get two cakes and eat them at three in the morning?” Harley smiled, wiggling out from the grocery pile and getting two cakes, caramel cake and strawberry cake.  
“We should get dinosaur nuggets too!” Peter gasped, and Harley ran in the other direction, limbs clumsily flailing, and soon returning with the precious nuggets, throwing them at Peter. “Take the children.” Peter laughed, putting the nuggets in the cart. “You might have to walk, the carts getting full..” Peter looked over the cart. “I guess so..” Harley sighed. “Carry me.” He looked at Peter, who shrugged. “Why not.” He crouched down, letting Harley get on his back.

~

“So, what are we gonna watch tonight?” Harley tilted his head.

You see, Harley and Peter both spent most nights at Tony Stark’s cabin. For Harley it was because he lived there, because he left Tennessee to go to some school, and for Peter, it was because Aunt May was busy and didn’t mind him staying there a few nights a week, so he could do science shit blah blah but in reality he just wanted to hang out with Harley and Tony. So Peter usually stayed in Harley’s room, sooo they stayed up late watching stuff and eating unhealthy amounts of junk food, which on two occasions has made them both sick the next morning. That’s also when Peter started to really really like-like Harley. 

_They’d both been sitting on the couch-bed, where Peter slept, and fallen asleep. The next morning, Peter had woken up to the light shining through the blinds, and Harley’s soft snoring. Except this morning, the snoring was much MUCH closer than usual. After waking up some more, he came to the realization that he and Harley had fallen asleep last night, both on the couch-bed. And, sometime during the night, they started cuddling. Peter started freaking out, internally of course, because he was currently laying, limbs intertwined with his best friend’s, snuggled into one another. Why was he freaking out so much? His face felt warm, was he blushing? Why would he be blushing? Oh. He soon got an answer. Harley moved in his sleep, face pressing into Peter’s neck. Peter felt butterflies in his stomach. Oh God. He like-liked Harley. His mind was racing. So, he cuddles and gets a crush on someone all in one day. Damn.  
A few minutes later, Harley’s eyes fluttered open. “Hhhh?” He made a small noise of confusion, pulling back a little, looking at Peter, seeming very confused.After a minute though Harley just shrugged and moved back to cuddling Peter. Peter’s heart fucking STOPPED dude. Tony opened the door later to find them like that, and never let them live it down. Tony later told MJ when she visits, and now she never let them live it down either. And then she told Ned. Who never let them live it down._

So yeah that’s why Peter is gay for Harley Keener. “Peter, hey Pete, you listening to me?” Harley poked his head. Peter snapped back into reality, realizing Harley was no longer on his back and had been doing the shopping himself.  
“Oh! Uh, yeah...We can just watch old Disney shows?”  
Harley nodded.  
“Okay. Also, what kind of Poptarts do you want?” Harley held up two small blue boxes. “Fudge sundae, or blue raspberry?” Peter considered the options for a minute. “How about ...Both?” Harley just nodded at him, smiling in approval and throwing the boxes in the cart. “I like your style, Parker.” 

~  
After a bit, they finally finished raiding the junk food and made their way to the cashier.  
“Having a party?” She smiled. Peter shook his head. “Nope. Just watching movies at three in the morning at Tony Stark’s house.” The woman laughed. “Yeah yeah, nice joke.” She teased, and the boys gave each other A Look.

The cashier rang them up, and after Harley paid, they made their way to the car, Harley opening the passenger side door for Peter. Peter slid in the car, immediately plugging his phone up to the aux. “Oh come on!” Harley groaned, and Peter stuck his tongue out.  
“Peter, I swear to god if you play the Teen Beach Movie soundtrack again I will literally hit you so hard-” Peter laughed. “Don’t worry, I won’t.” He proceeded to play the Teen Beach Movie soundtrack. And Harley proceeded to smack him on the back of the head. 

Harley pulled the ranch out of the bag. “Alright. You chug that on two minutes and I give you this nickel.” Peter held up a nickel, and Harley nodded, opening the bottle.  
Peter started up the timer. “Ready, set, go!” Harley began to chug the ranch, and once the clock reached a minute and forty five seconds, he was done. Peter handed over the nickel. “For you, good sir.” Harley pocketed the nickel, and began to get out of the car. “I’ll be right back.”  
He walked over to a trash can, and proceeded to puke all the ranch back up. He got back in the car, took a sip of water, and turned the car on. “Alright, let’s yeet,”

~

They approached Tony’s cabin, Peter practically launching himself out of the car and carrying all the groceries. “I think this is the only reason Tony wanted you to come, so you can carry all the groceries. Stronk boy.” Harley teased, and Peter rolled his eyes. 

They walked into the cabin, sitting the groceries on the table. Tony walked in with Morgan on his hip and sighed. “If you eat all that in one night I swear you are going to be sick.” I mean, he was probably right, but, who cares. “That sounds like a you problem.” Harley shrugged. Tony started to say something, but sighed.  
“I dread the day Morgan gets to be your age.” He shakes his head, looking at Morgan, who was sound asleep.  
“Alright, grab your food and skedaddle,and don’t eat all of it, you just ate dinner! God, I sound like my mom.” 

Peter and Harley immediately grabbed a few bags and took off into Harley’s room. Peter dove onto the couch bed, and Harley grabbed a soda out of a pastel blue minifridge that sat on the dresser. “Sprite? Really? Coward. That doesn’t have caffeine.” Peter shook his head as he grabbed a Mountain Dew. “Well not all of us are fond of death, Peter.”  
Peter scoffed. “Says the one who normally drinks enough caffeine to kill on a daily basis.” Harley plopped down beside Peter, draping himself over the boy. Peter fought back a blush, opening his drink. “So ...Hannah Montanna Marathon?” Harley pulled out a disc from his sweatshirt pocket. “Of course.” Peter smiled, pushing Harley off his spot laying on Peter’s lap, putting the disc in the TV. Harley hit the floor with a thud, grabbing a bag of chips. “Thanks.”

Sometime throughout season one, Harley was once again laying on Peter’s lap. Peter Was Not Even Having A Gay Panic Why Would You Even Say That-  
A new episode started, and Harley began to loudly, (and off-key) sing along to the theme song. Which was followed by someone hitting the floor in the room above them, and a text going off.

From: Bepper  
Harley as much as we love your, ahem, wonderful singing, Morgan is trying to sleep. So. Please shut up. <3

“Sorry Pepper!” Harley called out. 

~

Eventually, the cursed hour of three AM came. It Was Time. Peter sprung off the bed as the alarm went off, and he grabbed the two cakes. He pulled out two paper plates and a cake cutter from under Harley’s bed, throwing them on the couch-bed. “It’s time.” Peter opened the cakes, grabbing the cake cutter and cutting both cakes in half. He then put one half of each cake on the paper plates. “It’s time to make ourselves sick.” Harley laughed, grabbing a plate and taking a bite of the cake. “This shit’s so good.”  
“Mhm.” Peter hummed in agreement. They watched different shows and movies while they ate, Harley occasionally poking at Peter’s.

“Harley, we have the same stuff.”

“Yeah I know.”

“Then why are you taking some of mine?”

“Because I can, Pete.”

They kept this up until five in the morning, eventually finishing the cakes.  
At this point they were sprawled out on top of each other. “That was the biggest mistake I have ever made.” Harley groaned. “You say that everytime.”  
“Yeah and?” Harley yawned, and sat up. “We should probably go to bed.” Peter hummed in agreement, shoving Harley off the couch-bed. Harley climbed onto his bed, laying face down.  
Peter pushed all the food and trash off the couch-bed, bundling up in his blankets. “Good night Harls.” He mumbled sleepily. “G’night Pete.” Harley’s reply came, muffled by his pillow.


	2. Mini Chapter!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small update!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to change POV in chapter 2 but I already had some written down that I really liked! It's very short, but I love it

The next morning, the sun shone through the blinds, the birds were chirping, the smell of pancakes floated through the cabin. But what Peter Parker woke up to, was a heavy thud. 

It was a familiar thud, a thud he’d heard dozens of times, a thud he could recognize instantly.

Harley Keener hitting the floor. 

“Harley…?” He mumbled sleepily, opening one eye, to see his friend wrapped in his blankets on the floor. “You good buddy?” He sat up, sliding off the couch-bed and sitting by Harley on the floor. Harley raised his head, giving Peter a sleepy smile. “Mhm…” He looked as if he was about to pass right out again. Peter ruffled Harley’s hair, smiling. “Someone is cooking. Let’s yeet in there.” Harley let out a grunt of agreement, standing up.

Peter’s heart swelled with affection for the boy. He did look adorable after all;  
His hair was sticking up in every direction, he had the big comforter wrapped around him like a little gay burrito. (the comforter was an Iron Man one that Tony had gotten him for Christmas, and Peter had one too.)

“Hey Pete?” Harley rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Peter was, once again, having a Gay Panic. Harley just sounded so adorable in the morning, his accent was a lot stronger.

“Yeah Harls?” 

“Can you carry me in there? I’m tired as shit still and legs don’t wanna move.”   
Peter smiled affectionately at the boy. “Sure.” And just like that, without warning, he swooped up Harley, carrying him bridal style into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone: [comments]  
> Me, sobbing: I LOVE YOU I will name my first born son after you I swear to GOD you are AMAZING-
> 
> Tumblr: Albertdoesnteatglass


	3. Oh shit, a goose!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Harley just bein bros, bein cute, bein stupid as fuck-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy, sorry for having a late update akjajksd  
> I was gonna try to get it done by monday but uh  
> That didn't work out  
> So here you go!

_The Blip had been something terrible. Half of all life, just…. Dusted away. Harley, luckily, was not one of the people who had been blipped. But Peter had been. When Tony came back, some of the first words he said were, “I lost the kid.” He had looked at Harley with sad eyes, and Harley’s heart had stopped._

_Peter was gone._  
_His best friend_  
_The boy he’d loved since he was fourteen_  
_And he’d never gotten to tell him so_

_He had been crushed, he wanted nothing more than to run his hands through Peter’s fluffy brown curls, or to hold (or be held by) him. He wanted to mess around with Peter. To get his hoodies stolen by Peter. To watch stupid videos way to late at night with Peter. To reenact said stupid videos with Peter. He wanted Peter to play with his hair. He wanted Peter to be with him._

_He just wanted Peter._

But that was six years ago, and for the past year, Peter had been home. Home safe, with him.

Harley was groggily putting away the dishes from breakfast, still exhausted from the idiocy the night before, when he heard laughter from outside. He pushed the curtains away, heart melting at what he spotted in the yard. Peter, Morgan, and the Stark family’s dog Pumpkin were playing in the yard.

Peter was breathtaking. He always was. Harley watched him run in the yard playing ball, hair tousled, wearing a baggy hoodie that most definitely was Harley’s. He looked cute in it, it was already big on Harley so it was very oversized on Peter.  
He felt warmth rise to his cheeks, and realized he was blushing. Damn, he was so far gone for that boy.

A few minutes later, Peter and Morgan raced in giggling, the dog following close behind.  
“What are y’all giggling about?” Harley raised an eyebrow, putting the last of the dishes away.  
“Well, uh,” Peter began explaining. “We kicked the ball near some of the geese out by the lake...And...A goose attacked me.” He smiled sheepishly, pulling up his sleeve to reveal the large forming bruise wear the goose had bitten him, and gesturing to the red mark on his forehead  
“Don’t let my laughter fool you, I am quite concerned.” Harley grabbed Peter’s face, looking over the forming bruise on his head, laughing lightly. Peter’s face was tinted red as he swatted Harley’s hands away from his face.  
“I’m fine..”He let out an exasperated sigh as Harley dug through the freezer for an ice pack, handing it to Peter. “I will fight a goose for you, I swear just point the feathery motherfucker out and I’ll drop kick him.” Harley smiled, watching as Morgan and the dog ran into the living room. “Did you use your super strength on the goose?”  
Peter laughed. “I couldn’t. I think geese are my only weakness. Oh, and it was Hugh.”  
Harley looked out the window at the largest goose in the flock. “God damn it Hugh!” He cried.

Peter laughed, sitting on the counter. “Hey Peter, is that my hoodie?” Harley questioned, smiling. “Maybe~” Peter hummed, pulling the hood over his face and tightening it all the way.  
Harley laughed, grabbing the strings of the hoodie. “C’mon, lets go sit down.”  
He pulled Peter by the hoodie’s strings, going to sit down on the couch. He sat down, patting the spot beside him.  
Peter kicked off his sneakers, and flopped down next to him, immediately snuggling into him. “ ‘M cold” Peter complained, whining slightly. “It’s cause it’s fucking cold outside and you didn’t wear a coat.” Harley laughed, wrapping his arms around Peter.  
Peter leaned into the touch, nuzzling into him.

Harley’s heart fluttered. Peter was the most precious person on the planet. He was sure of it.

~

They sat on that couch for hours, talking about many random things, a whole load of shit.  
Harley learned many things he actually did not know about Peter;  
Peter’s favorite Disney movie was Fox & The Hound, his favorite animal was opossums, at his and Aunt May’s apartment he had a plush llama named Martha. Peter eventually fell asleep.

After letting him sleep for a bit, Harley got an idea. 

“Hey Pete?” He brushed Peter’s bangs from his face, and shook him lightly.  
Peter’s eyes blinked open, and he looked up at Harley with a soft grunt. Peter smiled sleepily.  
Harley smiled. Peter was just so fucking cute, it made his heart melt.  
“You wanna go get ice cream? Happy picked up Morgan, she had a play-date today, so we wouldn’t have to buy hers.”  
Peter thought for a minute before nodding. He stood up, running a hand through his hair and slipping his sneakers back on.

“I just gotta go change, and I’ll be ready to go.” Harley bounced out of the room.  
He went into his room, and after closing the door, he dove into his bed, screaming into a pillow.  
He was suing. How was Peter legally allowed to just...be like that?  
It wasn’t fair.  
He shouldn’t be legally allowed to be like that. He was just…..AAAAAAA Harley couldn’t even describe it. Everything about him was perfect.

His hair was so soft and fluffy, it would always bounce slightly when he moved.  
His eyes were a warm brown that always shone brightly in the light. His eyes were always full of life, and you could tell his emotions clearly just by looking him in the eyes. He could get lost in them for hours.  
He always stuck his tongue between his teeth when he was concentrating, and it was adorable.  
Harley could just sit and admire Peter four hours and hours on end, he was fucking gorgeous.

Peter was also the sweetest person he’d ever seen.  
Despite being a superhero, and having super strength, Peter was the softest, most gentle person he’d ever met. He couldn’t stop thinking about when Peter would play with his hair.  
Fingers gently running through, loosely braiding and softly stroking his hair.  
He would patch Harley up after he got in a particularly nasty fight, and take care of him.

He really was in love with Peter Parker.

He was snapped back to reality by a knock on the door. “Harley? You almost done? You’ve been in there for fifteen minutes!” Peter exclaimed from the other side of the door. Harley laughed. “Almost! Hold on Pete, geez.” He hopped off his bed, digging through his dresser to try and find something to wear. He eventually decided on an outfit, and after trying to get his hair to lie down, he was ready. Harley swung the door open. “Alrighty, let’s go.”  
Peter jumped up from the couch, sprinting out the door.

~

Harley pulled into the Chick-Fil-A drive thru, (They have the best ice cream, don’t judge-)  
and after ordering and getting their ice cream he headed towards the park. Once they got out of the car, Peter took Harley’s hand, racing towards their usual spot. Harley struggled not to blush at the fact that Peter was holding his hand.

Their spot was a small old wooden bench, with dozens of names carved into it.  
It was sat near the lake, away from the playgrounds and picnic tables, so it was calm, still, and peaceful. Even the ducks didn’t disturb anything, they were oddly quiet for ducks, spending their time resting in the sun, swimming in the lake, or getting fed bread.

Peter and Harley approached the bench, Harley rambling about some show he’d watched the previous weekend, Peter silently listening, smiling fondly at the boy. The sat on the bench, (it wasn’t a very large bench, so they were sitting rather close-) and began to eat their ice cream.  
Harley looked at Peter while they ate, and he looked breathtaking, as per usual.  
Peter looked in his direction, catching Harley staring. “Enjoying the view?” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows, face tinted red. Harley blushed, chuckling. “Why yes, yes I am~”  
Peter smiled a little. “That’s gay.” He chuckled.  
Harley smirked. “Well so am I.” He tried the old yawning-arm-around-the-shoulder move.

Ok so, he might have been freaking out.  
He was low-key flirting with his best friend and crush since he was 14.  
Cool cool.  
Nothing to scream about.

Peter looked about as anxious as he did, was there a possibility he liked Harley back?  
Peter spoke up after a minute. “Harley Sebastian Keener, are you, by any chance, flirting with me?” He tilted his head, a mischievous look in his eyes.  
“Well, if I, by any chance, was flirting with you, how would that make you feel?” Harley raised an eyebrow.  
“Well..” Peter began. “It would make me happy, excited, nervous, and possibly horny.” He chuckled. “Oh? Really?” Harley leaned towards Peter more. “Well, Pete, I am, in fact, flirting.”

Peter and Harley starting leaning closer. They were getting awfully close.  
Harley’s pulse was rushing, he was kind of freaking out.  
He looked, and saw the vague panic in Peter’s eyes. Peter really did like him back, didn’t he!!

They leaned closer

And closer

Until Harley could feel Peter’s breath on his lips.

Then, suddenly,

Harley was soaking wet.

The rain had begun pouring.

Harley jumped up taking off his jacket and holding it over his head. Should’ve worn a jacket with a hood, he thought. They ran to the car, grabbing a towel from the backseat and drying off some once they were inside.  
Harley couldn’t help but feel a little bit disappointed, seeing as he was literally just about to kiss the love of his life.  
He sighed, and began to drive, him and Peter were both oddly silent throughout the drive home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @ everyone who comments: I love you so much!! Comments make my day!!
> 
> My Tumblr: Albertdoesnteatglass


	4. Mini Chapter #2: Morgan and Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony Stark needed a babysitter last minute, and Bucky Barnes just so happened to be available.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided some of the mini chapters would focus on different characters, but still be in the same universe.

James ‘Bucky’ Barnes was a disaster, barely capable of taking care of himself.   
So why did Tony Stark call him in a panic asking if he could babysit his daughter???  
Well, apparently, he was the only one available, since it had been so last minute.

Peter and Harley were apparently having a sleepover with MJ and Ned,

Happy was with May Parker (ew)

And everyone else was busy too. Apparently he had called Steve, and Steve had told Tony to call him. Ugh. Thanks Steve.

Bucky sighed, stepping out of the car and approaching the cabin. He knocked on the door, to see Tony Stark himself. Tony let out a breath of relief, handing a list to Bucky.   
“Hi. Here’s a list of the important things you need to know, we’ll be back by midnight, and try to get Morgan in bed by eight thirty. Goodbye and good luck.” He patted Bucky on the shoulder, heading towards his car, Pepper following close behind, flashing a smile to Bucky.

Bucky entered the cabin, attention shifting to a little girl playing in front of the TV.  
Her head snapped towards Bucky with wide eyes, and she slid behind the arm of the couch, peeking out at him.  
“Uh, hello?” Bucky closed the door behind him. “I’m Bucky...Your mom and dad got me to babysit you.” He sat on the couch.   
Morgan scooted out from her spot behind it. “Hi..” She squeaked out her words quietly.

This was going to be difficult.

~

When Tony Stark returned to his home, it was around one in the morning.  
He opened the door, smiling softly at the sight.

Bucky was asleep on the couch, Morgan snuggled up to him. Bucky’s metal arm was covered in magnets, and the TV had some random cartoons playing on it. A bunch of drawings were scattered about, some signed with an M, and some with a B.

I guess Morgan Stark had a new babysitter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment! it makes chapters come out much quicker, because it lets me know people are excited to read!

**Author's Note:**

> Every comment/kudos brings me a little further out of the void.
> 
> My Tumblr: Albertdoesnteatglass


End file.
